Nothing helps pass the time away during a pandemic than board games. Games of chance and skill have been around since at least the 1930s (at least that’s what Grandpa told me when he was a young man waiting in line for bread) and everyone enjoys them. Well, people with souls enjoy them anyway. If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like board games your Facebook Events calendar is probably pretty empty. “Oh my God, so sorry we forgot to invite you!“
While Loot Crate offers fan-focused lines like the Fright and Sci-Fi crates, they also offer the WizKids Games Crate. a $19.99 bi-monthly collection of games sent to your house that you can play with your family. This month’s theme is Medieval Madness and includes 3 WizKids tabletop games (a $50+ value!). With Covid-19 running around unchecked like a YouTube prankster, it’s just what the doctor ordered while you’re stuck at home 24/7 with no escape from your spouse or children. The WizKids crate includes awesome games meant to replace the classics in your closet that make you want to pull your hair out before telling everyone you love to suck it.
Let’s take a look at the Five Worst Family Board Games you don’t want to play with your loved ones. Or with anyone for that matter.
Money arguments? Spouse cheated on you? Kid caught selling crack? Child’s play. Monopoly has started so many family fights it’s listed right below Irreconcilable Differences in divorce papers. Fight over who gets the car or cat token then roll the dice, buy properties, shove a ton of money under the Free Parking space and watch your life descend into madness once hour 45 hits and you realize there will never be a winner in this cruel game of buying, selling, trading, and nose punching. Swear words were created because no matter how many times you went around the damn board, you could never land on Boardwalk before your opponent.
But Mouse Trap is fun, you say. Is it? Is it really? You spend half the day setting up a rickety Rube Goldberg machine on the board hoping it doesn’t fall apart then you have the painstaking task of actually playing the game. What are the rules? No one knows because after 10 minutes you abandon the boredom, stick a mouse under the trap and just start the contraption. Then you restart it because the marble always gets stuck somewhere. Trying to catch an actual mouse is a lot more fun.
You know who likes Trivial Pursuit? Psychos. You know who is good at Trivial Pursuit? Psychos. Has anyone ever finished this game? Roll the dice, land on a topic and read questions that no one except Oxford professors would know the answers to. If your idea of fun is making yourself look stupid in front of your friends and family, then play Twister. At least you’ll get some exercise out of it.
Grab your medical *BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ* tweezers and try to remo*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*ve the various body parts without touc*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*hing the metal sides or you lose your tu*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ* SON OF A *^@%#! WHY ARE WE PLAYING THIS GAME WHO PICKED THIS MOTHER*#&^$^)? GO TO YOUR ROOM! I SAID GO TO YOUR ROO*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAME OF LIFE
You can be a winner in the game of life! Remember playing this when you were a kid and getting married, having children, and getting tons of money while going around the board? Super fun, right? Then you grew up, got divorced twice, your kids ended up hating you and now you’re in debt up to your neck. The game of life sucks.
Know what doesn’t suck? The WizKids Games Crate! It’s only $19.99, ships out in two business days and contains games you’ll love playing with your family and friends. Be the winner in your household and order yours today!